Caring for Elderly Parents

Even as adults, many people still rely on their parents to give them solid advice and help them when times are tough. So when the tables turn and adult children need to step in to take care of their elderly parents, it's often very difficult for everyone involved. There are things you can do now, however, to help with that transition - whenever and if ever the day comes.

Whether you are the child of an aging parent or elderly yourself, you need to take the bull by the horns and make sure two specific legal documents are put into place. The first is called a Healthcare Proxy. A properly drafted and signed Healthcare Proxy can give you the ability to make medical decisions for your mother or your father or your aunt or whoever may need you - right away at the time they need you to step in. By getting a Healthcare Proxy in place, there is no question as to who has the authority to take charge and work with the healthcare providers. There should also be clear language as to who the back-up will be if the first person named can't or won't act as the Proxy.

Sometimes, it's hard to convince an aging parent or relative to give up control. When you are talking about Healthcare Proxies, it is important to understand that they only get used if someone is incompetent or unable to convey their own wishes. Everyone should have a Healthcare Proxy. But of course, as a person gets older and the chances of becoming ill increase, the need becomes even more urgent to have one in place. No matter what your age, the best way to make sure things go the way you want is to have a legal document naming the person you trust to call the shots the way you would if you could. The Healthcare Proxy also spells out what you do and do not want in terms of medical care. It addresses those really highly-charged emotional issues like feeding tubes, extraordinary life-saving measures and life support.

Without a properly executed Healthcare Proxy, family members may disagree as to what should or shouldn't be done. Upset siblings may have very different viewpoints. Even if all the family members are in agreement, hospitals and doctors may be forced to turn to the court to appoint someone to act as a proxy. And that's in no one's best interest. Imagine not being able to make medical decisions for a parent and having to prove to the court why it should be you!

There also is the issue of stepping in to take care of an aging parent's or other elderly family member's affairs - like dealing with financial and tax paperwork. That's what a Power of Attorney is for. It's a legal document that gives someone the authority to act on another person's behalf. People sometimes get confused and think that the person named as an "attorney-in-fact" in a Power of Attorney has to be a lawyer. Not true! It typically is a spouse or a sibling or an adult child. It can even be a very trusted friend. Everyone should have a Power of Attorney, but again, as a person ages the chance it may be needed increases.

Some Powers of Attorney are drafted to only take effect if the person is deemed to be incompetent by their doctors. Other Powers of Attorney can be used anytime, regardless of whether the person can manage their own affairs. There are pros and cons to each, although a Power of Attorney that allows an adult child or other person to step in at any time gives the greatest flexibility in cases where there is a decline in mental capabilities. In other words, the Attorney-in-Fact has the authority to step in and write checks, manage money and handle the finances of someone who is still legally competent but perhaps no longer able to responsibly or effectively manage their own affairs. This is often the case where there is significant memory loss or Alzheimer's. It can also be the case where there is a debilitating physical condition that leaves an elderly person incapable of managing their affairs without help. Or maybe, they just would rather someone else handle things for them! A Power of Attorney provides the flexibility for someone else to help as needed or wanted. But remember, a person has to be competent in order to sign a Healthcare Proxy or Power of Attorney - so don't wait. It could be too late. If there is an early diagnosis of Alzheimer's or dementia, have the primary care physician be one of the witnesses at the time the documents are signed in case someone tries to come back later and say the person wasn't competent at the time they signed.

A Power of Attorney can encompass just about everything but healthcare decisions and making or changing a Will. There is standard language an attorney will include, but there are also some very specific things that should be listed if the person signing wants to make sure their "Attorney-in-Fact" can do everything they want them to be able to do. For instance, the Attorney-in-Fact should be given the authority to get copies of medical records, to amend or set up trusts, to gift money, and to apply for Medicare, Medicaid or Disability Benefits on the person's behalf. The goal is for the person signing the Power of Attorney to maintain control over their future - and the way to do that is by choosing someone they trust to legally step into their shoes and handle their affairs for them if they ever want or need them to.

Copyright 2006 - Law Office of Gina M. Ghioldi, P.C.

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